Long overdue

Every time I sit down to update our blog, I think about how I need to write about Maddux, and then it's just too emotionally exhausting to do. Even now, almost seven weeks later, it's still hard. Jared and I were just talking yesterday about how much we miss Maddux. Pulling into the driveway and going to sleep at night are the two hardest parts of the day because he's not there to greet us (with his howling and barking that drove us so crazy before but now we miss so much). We still open puzzle boxes and pull clothes out of drawers and find Maddux's brown hair that he left behind for us.

So, here goes... We noticed that Maddux had lost some weight over the summer, but we explained it away because we had changed his food, but one day, I turned around to look at Maddux, and he looked like a different dog. The amount of weight that he had dropped in a short period of time was noticeable, and we knew what it probably meant. Large breed, pure bred dogs are frequently plagued by cancer, so we were expecting a lymphoma diagnosis. Unfortunately, that's not what we got. Maddux was diagnosed with acute lymphocytic leukemia on September 12. ALL is a more rare type of cancer than lymphoma, and the prognosis is very, very poor. Maddux's spleen was so enlarged that on ultrasound, the vet couldn't see any of his other organs. His white blood cells were 99% lymphocytes, and his hematocrit was only 18%. He was a very sick dog. The next day, Jared and I took Maddux to Starkville to the MSU Veterinary Clinic that offered more options than our vets here in Meridian. There, Maddux received his first round of chemo, platelets, a blood transfusion and heavy duty antibiotics. They told us he would need to stay overnight, but we convinced them to let us come pick him up when he was done. Jared and I made the drive back to Meridian, and at midnight, my sister, Nikki (who was visiting and was a total Godsend through everything) and I got into the car and drove to pick Maddux up. For the next nine days, Jared and I watched and hoped that Maddux would respond to the treatment. He took 18 pills a day, and his diet consisted of boiled chicken and rice (and whatever else he wanted!). I made a second trip to Starkville with Maddie, and he had a second round of chemo, but his blood levels just couldn't rebound against the cancer cells that were attacking his bone marrow. Just ten days after Maddux's initial diagnosis, it was obvious that he was ready to stop fighting.

We made arrangements for the kids to go to friends' houses, and we called the vet to let them know we were coming. They had been expecting the call from us. Jared carried Maddux to the truck, and I followed behind them to the vet. We got to the vet, and Maddux was carried into an exam room. The doctor explained everything to us, and Jared and I huddled down and talked and petted our sweet boy until he was gone. It was completely peaceful, and he drifted off with the sounds of our voices in his ears. It was so, so hard, but it was what Maddux deserved from us. We miss you so much, Maddie.